Monday, March 19, 2012

Ultimate Irrelevance

This process, as the previous Disclaimer post suggests, is not in the control of a separate I. If it was, it would NEVER come to this.
Everything I ever thought about life is completely irrelevant to what is.

This is a bit of a shocker, even though it's been seen for a while. This awakening is like a penetrating oil, it loosens the nuts and bolts of a self constructed in thought. And now I am not sure if I am screwed or unscrewed :-)

I'm voting screwed.
In the sense that it's a powerful taking away of meaning, importance, and sense of special-ness.
If I never had another special thought about anything important, absolutely nothing would happen. Good, or bad.
That's how important all this thinking and striving and manufacture of meaning has been.
One way or the other, it is no longer relevant.

I could wait till dying and look back and have a good laugh.
What the hell was all that about? The passionate belief in things? The striving? Only to return to nothing, no-one, and the great blank at the end?

Or I could have moments where it is acknowledged that there is no-one here but the character, and it's all a play, but carry on. Like you do.

Or just live with the open space.

I'm screwed.

I'll be posting a couple more conversations where someone else took the step towards ultimate irrelevance.
With much love.


  1. A lot of months have gone by since you wrote that entry. It doesn't sound positive or even neutral. It sounds kind of negative, like somebody who realizes that their pet puppy has, in fact, been dead for the past year. (So THAT's why he's been off his food!)

    Did you move elsewhere with your words? Have you transcended material reality and gone to live in the 17th dimension? What became of your reaction to discovering that relevance is an opinion?

  2. Your post, Elizabeth, is one of very few that speak to the experience of just being after taking the pathless path through the gateless gate. One could add that the overwhelming feeling of futility - at being wholly unable to identify whether one is on the pathless path at all or do think or feel anything whatsoever to waft through the gate - is finally gone. The organism's conditioning seems to ensure that one continues after realization to be lived much as one was lived before that cosmic non-event. Thoughts come and go as before, anger and frustration arise and subside, angst and elation take their turns to fill one's time - but one is left with the knowledge that all of these are merely part of the dream that is dreaming us. Obviously, NS has no perception of what you shared; I wouldn't have responded to that post either. Your writing resonates here, Elizabeth, thank you for sharing.